Pauley suspended 50 games

[JosephC]

Tacoma Rainiers pitcher David Pauley was suspended 50 games Friday for a violation of the Minor League Drug Prevention and Treatment program.



http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/mariners/2018987354_marinersnotes25.html

Too bad, he wasn't doing too bad in AAA either.

[clarknova]

"A drug of abuse"? Pauley wanna crack pipe? Oh!!!!!!!

Sorry.

[Igoe4Mariners]

Word is clarknova may be suspended 50 days from MarinersForum.com after taking his latest drug test. Sources say clarknova's attention span and posting skills have seen a spike since June and performance-enhancing drugs are believed to be the cause. Test results are due to be released to the public Friday.

[clarknova]

I was just informed from a source that spoke on the condition of anonymity that word out of clarknova's camp (which in this case is literally a tent in a homeless camp he lives in under I-5 next to the Cherry St. on ramp) is that he will be appealing the suspension on the grounds that his sample was mishandled by Forum Administrator Igoe4Mariners, who allegedly sprinkled crack on it, then took it home and put it in his freezer overnight before submitting it. Mr. Nova contends that any unnatural spike in crack levels found in his bloody urine were either due to MarinersForum.com's mishandlings of the sample, or due to a grammar enhancing supplement he obtained online via a website he paid his cousin to create called "writer'srock.com". Mr. Nova was not aware that this perfectly innocuous supplement was a banned substance under the forum bylaws when he smoked it out of a broken light bulb and accidentally caught himself on fire after passing in Jose Canseco's driveway. clarknova continues to proclaim his innocence and will fervently appeal any suspension handed down by the forum.

[TellItToTheDA]

From the office of the DA:

After conducting a thorough review of the evidence at hand, it has been determined that Mr. Clark Nova will NOT be suspended for 50 days from MarinersForum.com for the use of grammar enhancing drugs. After collecting the sample from Mr. Nova, under I-5 next to the Cherry St. onramp, administrator Mr. Igoe may have tampered and mishandled evidence crucial to this case. Phonics tapes found adjacent to Mr. Nova's campsite could not be confirmed to be Mr. Nova's, and the elevated word per minute levels displayed could not be connected to synthetic thesaurus-in. Video of what was believed to be Mr. Nova entering a library after hours could not provide a definitive match. Therefore, we are unable to suspend Mr. Nova at this time for the use of grammar enhancing drugs.

However, Mr. Nova's failure to appear at the Supreme Court on August 21, 2012 will result in a 50 day suspension, effective immediately.

Sincerely,
Tellit T. DA.

[klarkmova]

Hey guys! New to the forum. Man, I'm sure glad that clarknova character was suspended! He was a real obnoxious pain in the butt, huh? He was pretty smart though... And from reading his posts I have this weird feeling that he was totally buff and ruggedly handsome. Oh well, good riddance right guys!!

Go Mariners!

[TellItToTheDA]

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2cmcglRXm1r8zpke.gif

[Igoe4Mariners]

This thread wins.