Funny Quotes Thread

[JosephC]

The idea here is to post any funny quotes you see on a blog, website, comment section, anyplace...

List your source and the quote.

[JosephC]

On MLB.com Comment section I ran across this quote about the Yankees series:

Prepare to get Rowland-Smithinated Yankee jerk offs. If you took Mel Gibson, Gary Gaetti, and Bootsy Collins and combined them into one man you would get the Rowland-Smithinator. I would be suprised if he didn't pitch the 3rd perfect game of the year in this game. I mean the Yankees just looked horrilbe this whole series. I know that there is sexual tension between Jeter and Arod that you could cut with a knife but you think some of the straight players would pick up the slack. Anyways I don't own any brooms but I do own a Roomba and that thing is good enough to pick up all the garbage off of that lame excuse of a stadium in New York.

[clarknova]

Bootsy Collins?! Hilarious. LOL!

[clarknova]

From Dave Cameron's Twitter account on June 29th:


The not-as-shart-as-usual version of Cliff Lee goes 8 innings and gives up two runs in Yankee Stadium. #SoGood

followed by:


Well, that was a crappy typo to make. #PunIntended

That one had me laughing.

[clarknova]

From blog.prorumors.com article about St. Louis having a scout at the game today to watch Cliff Lee:

"Lee is arguably the number one starting pitcher available via trade this summer"

Really? LOL! What's the argument against that!? Oswalt? Frickin' Ted Lilly? Please. It's like those crime shows where they are compiling evidence against someone and they have fingerprints, DNA, a hasty life insurance policy, fiber evidence, motive, and really guilty behavior and they say, "Authorities were beginning to start to look at the husband as a possible person of interest."

Also watched an interview with Curt Schilling today where the interviewer said he was "arguably one of the best pitchers in the game during his time with the Red Sox." Again, what argument is there against that? That's my new favorite stupid term- "arguably". I'll put that up there with "literally!"

[JosephC]

That's great.

Here's one from Prosportsdaily talking about the possible Cliff Lee to Yankees trade.

GMZ is stacking the holy hell out of our farm.

[TellItToTheDA]

Comment from Pinstripe Alley on the Lee deal:


Oh WOW, if its Jesus and McAllister for a rental of Lee, I will be inconsolable

[JosephC]

Bleacher Report Titled:


Yankees Offer Montero, Jeter's Girlfriend In Exchange For Lee

[TellItToTheDA]

Lone Star Ball Quote:


I am not fine with giving up Beavan
2 1st round pitching draft picks gone for a 2.5 month rental and a fatass

[JosephC]

Shannon Drayer's Blog:



The sad thing........... this season is worse than 2008. The expectations were bigger this year than 2008, we single handedly ran out our legend in Griffey, we picked up a FA for a serious amount of cash in Figgins thus not getting a decent pick in the draft and said FA forgot how to hit and field to equal what we paid for, we pay Bedard money and he never pitches a single pitch in the season, our bullpen can't seem to throw strikes and when they do they have no movement on them, our hitters forgot how to hit, the moral is ridiculously low, we trade a stud of a pitcher for prospects that include a sexual predator and a possible stud future first baseman with a chronic tight hammy, the best Wilson on the team never gets to play because his name is Josh and not Jack, Ryan Rowland-Smith has gone so far down that he's back at home in the Down-under, we trade prospects for a guy who spends just as much time on the DL as he does in the field in Branyan, and collectively this M's team understands fundamental base running like I understand the technique of teaching a French Priest Chinese and having him translate Ancient Greek into a Japanese Hip-Hop song... boy, I'm freaking glad I'm a Mariners fan. Anyone got anything I can smoke, drink, snort, inject, or absorb because I need to get away from reality for a while.

[seattlesmoke]

lookin forward to more funny stuff about our squad, i can't remember the link but somebody photoshopped Ichiro running into that girl who got all excited. I wish I had the link still

[clarknova]

From twitter regarding Strasburg being pulled from start today:


Tuned in for Strasburg, got Miguel Batista instead. This is like thinking you're getting a sundae and instead finding out that you're Hitler

[JosephC]

From Angelswin, got a laugh from this...
Those necklaces are the new steroids. Hitters have no chance against them

[clarknova]

This is an interview on Rome Is Burning with Brian Wilson- the black bearded closer for the Giants. I first saw this interview right after it was taped and I seriously thought it was a joke until yesterday. It came off like a Saturday Night Live sketch or something like the staged Tom Arnold/Michael Strahan April Fools fight. I have since come to realize that this is just the way Wilson is, although obviously he's purposely being wacky. They way he discusses with a straight face being a "certified ninja" who's specialty is "mental assassin" and they based the movie Inception on him... You just have to watch it. His quote about the fine he received for wearing orange cleats is classic. He became one of my favorite non-Mariner ball players with this one interview.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yf0j1rmZVbM

[JosephC]

Yeah that is epic. I wonder what Giants fans think of Brian? Too wacky? Too cool? I'd love to have guy like that on our team who is actually GOOD.

[JosephC]

Funny quote on MLBTR comments about Aardsma's injury

It's one thing if it's a shoulder or an elbow or something along those lines but when you start loosing pitchers with injuries that usually happen to people wearing Life Alert's you've really got problems.

[JosephC]

Funny quote on prosportsdaily about today's game:


Langerhans to Bradley: Sit the **** down I got this.

[JosephC]

Today on USSMariner.



We’re wasting payroll on the third-base coach… He has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do.



Response



His job is to talk to their third baseman, mostly.
Occasionally, he will wave to the Moose.

[JosephC]

Here's one today on hardballtalk.nbcsports.com


If a fly ball is hit to left-center field, how does the M’s center fielder call off an ear-plugged Bradley to make the play? Semaphore flags?

[JosephC]

From USSMariner user Diehard regarding Figgy


Wedge needs to either move him to the #9 hole or bench him for a few games. And I would love to see him throw a hissy fit like last year and then let the stache lay down the law on that little hobbit bitch.

[JosephC]

Here's a good one on ussm today:


Some of the best entertainment came from foolish fans, feeding the gulls, who in return, constantly crapped on fans along the 1st base line in the outfield.